"And now I'm this western hindu..."

Bhagavad Gita 4.11: "In whatever way people surrender unto Me, I reciprocate accordingly. Everyone follows My path, knowingly or unknowingly..."

When the fall leaves have the scent of rain and everything tastes like pumpkin, I am in my happy place. #basicwhitegirl

Around Halloween, in 2023, I had a very vivid dream. This is not unusual for me, in fact I keep a notebook bedside to write things down from my dreams. What was unusual in this dream was just how real it felt and how disconnected I was from the woman who visited my dream. It was as if she stepped inside my dreamscape to encounter me in a way that she couldn't in my waking life. She didn't feel part of my abstract thoughts or subconscious. Let me try to describe what happened:

Someone gently touches my arm and says my name. In sleepy blinks I take in the image of a beautiful woman, dripping in gold jewelry from head to toe, and rich, shiny, red fabric with gold accents dancing along her body in a sort of lehenga-style wardrobe. Her hair is black. Shiny, long, thick, and wavy, it creates a backdrop to her perfectly proportioned face. She had inquisitive, sparkling brown eyes, a slender nose, and perfect red lips which were now parted in question to my waking state. I didn't feel alarmed at this stranger calling me out of sleep at my bedside - she felt instantly familiar and memorable, but I had no idea who she was. Seeing that I had fully come to from sleep, she grabbed my hand and invited me to sit on the floor of my bedroom and talk. So I sat, cross-legged, directly facing her and began to ask her questions. Not about who she was or what we were doing, but questions about life, motherhood, purpose... and I fully expected her to answer as if I had inserted a query on GOOGLE or ChatGPT. She laughed at most of my questions - laughter that was like a comforting song - not at all mocking, but as if overjoyed to hear the questions. Of all the details I remember of my dream, NOT ONE are her answers. I can't remember a single, specific thing that we talked about for what seemed like hours. I only remember how it made me feel- which was uniquely understood and irrevocably accepted. After what seemed like a long time, I began to yawn and she, perceiving my sleepiness, took my hand and sent me back to my bed. I clearly remember her final words to me: "You must come see about me. Come and learn and we will continue on together like this." "Of course I will," I told her, "but how will I know who you are?" And she handed me the pen and notebook from the bedside table and said, "I am Parvati. Write down my name." I scribbled her name down and promptly fell back asleep.

Photo by Sonika Agarwal on Unsplash

In the early hours of the morning I immediately reached for my notebook and looked at the name. I knew it was an Indian name and I wondered what details would enlighten me when I finally decided to google search it. I have had a weird obsession with India since my earliest memories of anything. I am sure I will blog about this in the future, but what I knew and loved about India were textiles, patterns, glittering objects, Bollywood, and the warm spices of traditional dishes. It was definitely not Hinduism, yoga, meditation, or Vedic scriptures. None of which I was familiar with. The very obvious first choice from my GOOGLE search of Parvati was a Wikipedia page about the Hindu goddess. An excerpt from that page states:

Parvati (Sanskrit: पार्वती, IAST: Pārvatī, IPA: /pɑɾʋət̪iː/), also known as Uma (Sanskrit: उमा, IAST: Umā, IPA: /ʊmɑː/) and Gauri (Sanskrit: गौरी, IAST: Gaurī, IPA: /gə͡ʊɾiː/), is one of the principal goddesses in Hinduism, revered as the goddess of power, energy, nourishment, harmony, love, beauty, devotion, and motherhood. Along with Lakshmi and Sarasvati, she forms the trinity, known as the Tridevi.

I then proceeded to read as much as I could about Parvati, also known by her many forms and primarily worshipped as Maa Durga. If you're a little neurospicy like me, you understand the level of fixation that happens when something new and interesting comes into view. A lot of my spare time and energy began flowing into understanding not only Maa Durga, but her context, and contemplating why she reached out in my dream state, during Navratri no less.

Within about 3 months I was wholeheartedly pursuing Hinduism, or more appropriately- Santana Dharma. This often looks like a haphazard attempt at puja(worship) in front of my very homemade mandir(altar), as well as studying Vedic texts and participating at my temple. With all my devotion and sincerity, the learning curve has been big and sharp. What I do know since that day, is that I have found an acceptance of self and a genuine path towards acceptance of others and the world we live in that I didn't have before that dream. As I stumble through information and reach out to teachers and other knowledge-seekers, I am never condemned. I am never turned away.

Navratri 2024

Sanatana Dharma gently embraces every question, every construct, every misstep, and every moment of enlightenment. It does not want to be proselytized, but the beauty of the discovery for my own life, releases me to joyously share my experience to those who will listen.

So did Goddess Parvati step radiantly into my dreams so I could knowingly encounter her truth? Or did my subconscious weave a tapestry of a distant memory into a tangible path for healing? I don't know the answer, only the outcome.

As stated in the Brihadaranyaka Upanishad (1.3.28), "From evil lead me to good. From darkness lead me to light. From death lead me to immortality." Feel free to follow along as I continue on the path that is gently lit before me. I hope that the truths, tools, concepts, and processes that continue to guide and heal me will inspire you too.

Om Shanti,

Megan